Battling my thoughts. Are you there God?

This week, I have been much more clear in my thinking.  Let me first say, for that one reason, I know God is there.  I am still not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I am starting to see this horrible noose around my neck begin to loosen.  I have been struggling this week with great fear, anxiety, and depression, but I have been to two meetings this week where the topic was God's grace.

My current situation has me tied in knots with fear.  Fear of the unknown and fear of what the future holds.  I understand that fear is not from God and not of God.  So, I know that the Enemy is after my mind, and making me battle my thoughts constantly.  None the less, I am fearful.  If I start to feel half-way normal, I think, "Oh wait!  Take cover!  The next bomb has got to be about to drop!"  I feel guilty for laughing (even with my kids).  Who am I to laugh?  I don't deserve to have a bit of fun!  The fear leads to anxiety.  The two combined result in fueling the ongoing depression I have dealt with for years.

I am seeking help for all this.  I have started seeing a therapist weekly.  I have started a 12 step program, and I am also attending a class that studies each of the 12 steps in depth.  As I mentioned, the meetings this week both discussed God's grace:  

God's grace is a gift, we just have to receive it.  It is given to us freely.  Christ paid the price to save us on the cross.  Once you have accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior, God's gift of grace is forever.

Romans 3:23-24 says "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by His Grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus."

1 Peter 1:13 "So prepare your minds for service and have self-control.  All of your hope should be for the gift of grace that will be yours when Jesus Christ is shown to you.

Ephesians 2: 8-9 "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this not from yourselves, it is a gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast."


Dear Lord,
Please forgive me of my fear.  I know that you love me.  I know that you hear my prayers.  Father God, you promised to supply my needs according to your riches in glory, and God, I need your blessings on my life.  I need a miracle of mercy.  God, I know you can change the hearts of man, so I ask that you give everyone who reads this a heart of courage and not fear.  Give us blessings and show us your mercies.  God, I thank you for your gift of grace, for your grace IS sufficient for me!  In Jesus name, Amen.