Friday, August 24, 2012

I have no joy. Are you there God?


Joy is defined as “the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation.”  My life is all of those things.  I have many reasons to be happy.  Every day, I experience things that are exceptionally good.  But I have this dark cloud over me, and every time I catch myself experiencing joy, for feeling joy, I suddenly stop.  I feel like I don’t deserve joy because of what I have done in my past.  Or that I can’t feel joy because something bad is about to happen.  

The bible calls joy one of the fruits of the spirit. Galatians 5:22 says But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness.”  Nehemiah 8:10 says “…Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”  And I know that the Enemy is here to rob me of my joy.  That he thrives when I worry.  He loves it when I am so distracted by my fearful thoughts that I miss the beautiful events in my life.  John 10:10 says The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

Daily, I find myself losing my joy more and more.  I am so scared of what the future holds.  The Enemy knows this, and I just feel over powered by him.  I cannot make a single move without fear.  I have no hope for the future.  I feel as though life is done, and I am just a walking shell.  I feel like it is something more than depression, something bigger than that.

Dear Lord, please pull me out of this horrible place of fear, worry and great sadness.  I need you God.  I can’t do it myself.  I am so tired and have very little fight left in me.  God please help me make it through this time of doubt and unknowing.  God please help me to know, in my heart, to really know, that you will take care of me no matter what the outcome of my situation may be.  In Jesus name I pray.  Amen.

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