Frozen. Are you there God?

Frozen.  That’s the way I feel.  Have you ever had someone you deeply love die?  Suddenly, the world is moving all around you, but you are frozen.  You literally feel like everything is moving all around you, but you cannot move.  Your mind is frozen.  Your body only moves when you think diligently about making it move.  You almost feel like you could forget to breath.  That’s the way I feel.

I think a part of me has died.  The happy part.  The hopeful part.  The joy filled part.  They are all dead.  I am going through the motions.  It is a real effort to just make it through the day.  I am trying to make my mind believe that God is here and that He has not forgotten about me.  I know in my heart that He is, but I sure wish He would show up where I could see Him.  I know He will in time.  I know He will show me how He has been here the entire time.  I am reminded of the following poem:

Footprints in the Sand

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,
‘You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?’

The Lord replied,
‘The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand,
is when I carried you.’  -Mary Stevenson)

I will claim the promise from God in Deuteronomy 31:6 (NIV)

“Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave your nor forsake you.”