Where to begin? Are you there God?

Today I have felt “in limbo.”  Several ups, several downs.  It is very difficult to make changes.  It is even more difficult to know that you HAVE to change the way you are living.  It is difficult to try to act like everything is ok to the whole world, when you know there is absolutely nothing ok in your world.  I don't even know where to begin.

I saw my therapists today.  I basically just cried for 45 minutes.  We haven’t met together in some time, just talked on the phone.  But today I went to his office.  I told him where I am emotionally, mentally, and additively.  He is a Christian Counselor.  I have decided to only surround myself with Christians as long as I have a choice. 

Anyway, we talked about what to do, what actions to take.  We talked about addictive personalities.  In a way, I think I kind of wished he would have said that he didn’t think I had addictive tendencies.  But he didn’t.  He agreed that it sounds like I have a problem, and that I needed fixing.  It’s kind of difficult when the professionals confirm bad stuff.  I felt like I was pulling all this baggage out of an old box and just laying it on the floor.  It felt good in a way.

He did ask me some difficult questions.  Questions that I didn’t have answers for, but it was so good to talk and admit that I just don’t have all the answers.  In my heart, I know that God has the answers.  He holds the keys to my future in his hands.  But honestly, I am really scared about what the future looks like.  So, I am choosing to hold on to and claim the promise in Jeremiah 29:11 “ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  I look forward to the day that I have hope again and feel like I have a future again.