Some times, when I least expect it, I have this sudden fear set in on me that will take my breath away. It is scary. It is heart breaking. It makes me want to hide under the covers and not come out. This evening, I was driving with one of my kids and he said, out of the blue, "I love you mom." All I could think is how much I never wanted to leave them. I hope and pray that nothing will ever take me away from them.
With the legal issue I am dealing with, there is a chance that my punishment could involve jail time. It is still unbelievable to me that I got myself into such a horrible situation. I was so selfish. I was so sick. It kills me! I am so scared that I could be taken away from my family. It is paralyzing fear. It is fear like nothing I have ever experienced before.
Dear Lord,
Please calm my fears. I pray that you will keep me with my family. God, I am so scared. I know that you forgive me of my sins, but I am so afraid of what man will do to me. Please give everyone involved in my situation a heart of forgiveness and of mercy. God, please have mercy on me! In Jesus name I pray. Amen.
Friday, September 28, 2012
Monday, September 24, 2012
Battling my thoughts. Are you there God?
This week, I have been much more clear in my thinking. Let me first say, for that one reason, I know God is there. I am still not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I am starting to see this horrible noose around my neck begin to loosen. I have been struggling this week with great fear, anxiety, and depression, but I have been to two meetings this week where the topic was God's grace.
My current situation has me tied in knots with fear. Fear of the unknown and fear of what the future holds. I understand that fear is not from God and not of God. So, I know that the Enemy is after my mind, and making me battle my thoughts constantly. None the less, I am fearful. If I start to feel half-way normal, I think, "Oh wait! Take cover! The next bomb has got to be about to drop!" I feel guilty for laughing (even with my kids). Who am I to laugh? I don't deserve to have a bit of fun! The fear leads to anxiety. The two combined result in fueling the ongoing depression I have dealt with for years.
I am seeking help for all this. I have started seeing a therapist weekly. I have started a 12 step program, and I am also attending a class that studies each of the 12 steps in depth. As I mentioned, the meetings this week both discussed God's grace:
God's grace is a gift, we just have to receive it. It is given to us freely. Christ paid the price to save us on the cross. Once you have accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior, God's gift of grace is forever.
Romans 3:23-24 says "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by His Grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus."
1 Peter 1:13 "So prepare your minds for service and have self-control. All of your hope should be for the gift of grace that will be yours when Jesus Christ is shown to you.
Ephesians 2: 8-9 "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this not from yourselves, it is a gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast."
Dear Lord,
Please forgive me of my fear. I know that you love me. I know that you hear my prayers. Father God, you promised to supply my needs according to your riches in glory, and God, I need your blessings on my life. I need a miracle of mercy. God, I know you can change the hearts of man, so I ask that you give everyone who reads this a heart of courage and not fear. Give us blessings and show us your mercies. God, I thank you for your gift of grace, for your grace IS sufficient for me! In Jesus name, Amen.
My current situation has me tied in knots with fear. Fear of the unknown and fear of what the future holds. I understand that fear is not from God and not of God. So, I know that the Enemy is after my mind, and making me battle my thoughts constantly. None the less, I am fearful. If I start to feel half-way normal, I think, "Oh wait! Take cover! The next bomb has got to be about to drop!" I feel guilty for laughing (even with my kids). Who am I to laugh? I don't deserve to have a bit of fun! The fear leads to anxiety. The two combined result in fueling the ongoing depression I have dealt with for years.
I am seeking help for all this. I have started seeing a therapist weekly. I have started a 12 step program, and I am also attending a class that studies each of the 12 steps in depth. As I mentioned, the meetings this week both discussed God's grace:
God's grace is a gift, we just have to receive it. It is given to us freely. Christ paid the price to save us on the cross. Once you have accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior, God's gift of grace is forever.
Romans 3:23-24 says "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by His Grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus."
1 Peter 1:13 "So prepare your minds for service and have self-control. All of your hope should be for the gift of grace that will be yours when Jesus Christ is shown to you.
Ephesians 2: 8-9 "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this not from yourselves, it is a gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast."
Dear Lord,
Please forgive me of my fear. I know that you love me. I know that you hear my prayers. Father God, you promised to supply my needs according to your riches in glory, and God, I need your blessings on my life. I need a miracle of mercy. God, I know you can change the hearts of man, so I ask that you give everyone who reads this a heart of courage and not fear. Give us blessings and show us your mercies. God, I thank you for your gift of grace, for your grace IS sufficient for me! In Jesus name, Amen.
God is Good
When I started this blog I was at the very bottom of the lowest point I had ever been in my life. My first post on August 21st was the day after I had been arrested and gone to jail. WOW! If you would have asked me 2 years ago if I ever thought that would have, or could have, happened, the answer would have been an easy "NO!"
While I still can't discuss the WHY of the situation, I can say that I am so grateful that it motivated me to give my life back to God. I really had no idea how lost I have been for the last few years. And with each year that passed, I can now see, my life was only getting worse.
I was fortunate enough to have a therapist that I had seen several years ago after my father died. He, Todd, recommended that I find a Celebrate Recovery group to attend. I did, and I have been to no less then two meetings a week for the last 4 weeks. I know that that is not a very long period of time, but I feel so blessed that God has already started help me to understand my issues, or "hurts, habits and hang-ups" as they are called in Celebrate Recovery. God is so good!
God is helping me to see that I basically am a person that tends to be addictive and/or obsessive. I tend to not deal with the big issues that come at me in life. It's kind of like I carry a backpack and when I come across these life changing issues, we will call them rocks, I just put the rock in my backpack and carry it with me. I tell myself that I will deal with it later, but later never comes.
I have gotten very good at running from the rocks in my bag. Rather than ever dealing with them I found coping mechanisms to keep me too busy and preoccupied. I would isolate myself because of the shame I felt. I would often use alcohol and prescription drugs occasionally. I would use sex, and I would use food. I would also spend money like crazy. I was in deep denial that I was avoiding the deeper issues.
Sometimes doing these things would ease my pain. Often times they would allow an escape. These destructive behaviors would allow me to feel different about myself and get away from the self hate for a while. And it was so easy to do. Easy enough to develop into an addiction. And all the time I was practicing these behaviors I was getting further and further away from God.
Unbelievably, the worst one, the one that has done the most damage, was the spending. I have said for years that I am "bad with money." But I had no idea how it would eventually bring me to the lowest place I have ever been.
While I still can't discuss the WHY of the situation, I can say that I am so grateful that it motivated me to give my life back to God. I really had no idea how lost I have been for the last few years. And with each year that passed, I can now see, my life was only getting worse.
I was fortunate enough to have a therapist that I had seen several years ago after my father died. He, Todd, recommended that I find a Celebrate Recovery group to attend. I did, and I have been to no less then two meetings a week for the last 4 weeks. I know that that is not a very long period of time, but I feel so blessed that God has already started help me to understand my issues, or "hurts, habits and hang-ups" as they are called in Celebrate Recovery. God is so good!
God is helping me to see that I basically am a person that tends to be addictive and/or obsessive. I tend to not deal with the big issues that come at me in life. It's kind of like I carry a backpack and when I come across these life changing issues, we will call them rocks, I just put the rock in my backpack and carry it with me. I tell myself that I will deal with it later, but later never comes.
I have gotten very good at running from the rocks in my bag. Rather than ever dealing with them I found coping mechanisms to keep me too busy and preoccupied. I would isolate myself because of the shame I felt. I would often use alcohol and prescription drugs occasionally. I would use sex, and I would use food. I would also spend money like crazy. I was in deep denial that I was avoiding the deeper issues.
Sometimes doing these things would ease my pain. Often times they would allow an escape. These destructive behaviors would allow me to feel different about myself and get away from the self hate for a while. And it was so easy to do. Easy enough to develop into an addiction. And all the time I was practicing these behaviors I was getting further and further away from God.
Unbelievably, the worst one, the one that has done the most damage, was the spending. I have said for years that I am "bad with money." But I had no idea how it would eventually bring me to the lowest place I have ever been.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Asking for blessings. God IS here!
I have been studying the Prayer of Jabez. The first part of the prayer is about asking God for blessings. The book about it is very good. A short and easy read. The prayer can be found in I Chronicles 4:10. I highly recommend that you check into it.
Anyway, my prayer life has increased immensely in the last few weeks. I want to be to the point where I just carry on a conversation with God all day long. Going to him with everything. Every decision and every concern I have. Today, I was in the grocery story check out line. The lady in front of me could not get her card to approve the purchase she was trying to make. She kept trying to take things back out of the sack and trying the card again. After 2 or 3 minutes, the man behind me kind of mumbled, "what is going on up here?" I thought, "come on dude, the lady is having trouble." Then I prayed, "Lord, please bless this lady..." and before I got further, the guy said, "let me get up here and pay for this for her." I started crying. I had just asked and God had just given. I was amazed at how awesome God really is. The lady that was with this man looked at me, and I told her as the tears ran down my face, "I just started praying for God to bless her, and He did. Right here, right now." She said, "yep. That's how He does it." I said, "God is so good."
I continued to cry all the way out to my car. Just in awe of how amazing God is. And just how amazing prayer is.
Dear God,
I pray that you bless anyone who reads this. Whatever areas they are in need, sweet Father, bless them. I love you Lord. And thank you for blessing me. Amen.
Anyway, my prayer life has increased immensely in the last few weeks. I want to be to the point where I just carry on a conversation with God all day long. Going to him with everything. Every decision and every concern I have. Today, I was in the grocery story check out line. The lady in front of me could not get her card to approve the purchase she was trying to make. She kept trying to take things back out of the sack and trying the card again. After 2 or 3 minutes, the man behind me kind of mumbled, "what is going on up here?" I thought, "come on dude, the lady is having trouble." Then I prayed, "Lord, please bless this lady..." and before I got further, the guy said, "let me get up here and pay for this for her." I started crying. I had just asked and God had just given. I was amazed at how awesome God really is. The lady that was with this man looked at me, and I told her as the tears ran down my face, "I just started praying for God to bless her, and He did. Right here, right now." She said, "yep. That's how He does it." I said, "God is so good."
I continued to cry all the way out to my car. Just in awe of how amazing God is. And just how amazing prayer is.
Dear God,
I pray that you bless anyone who reads this. Whatever areas they are in need, sweet Father, bless them. I love you Lord. And thank you for blessing me. Amen.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Frozen. Are you there God?
Frozen. That’s the
way I feel. Have you ever had someone
you deeply love die? Suddenly, the world
is moving all around you, but you are frozen.
You literally feel like everything is moving all around you, but you cannot
move. Your mind is frozen. Your body only moves when you think
diligently about making it move. You
almost feel like you could forget to breath.
That’s the way I feel.
I think a part of me has died. The happy part. The hopeful part. The joy filled part. They are all dead. I am going through the motions. It is a real effort to just make it through
the day. I am trying to make my mind believe
that God is here and that He has not forgotten about me. I know in my heart that He is, but I sure
wish He would show up where I could see Him.
I know He will in time. I know He
will show me how He has been here the entire time. I am reminded of the following poem:
Footprints in the
Sand
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with
the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.
This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.
So I said to the Lord,
‘You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?’
‘You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?’
The Lord replied,
‘The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand,
is when I carried you.’ -Mary Stevenson)
‘The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand,
is when I carried you.’ -Mary Stevenson)
I will claim
the promise from God in Deuteronomy 31:6 (NIV)
“Be strong and
courageous. Do not be afraid or
terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never
leave your nor forsake you.”
Friday, August 24, 2012
I have no joy. Are you there God?
Joy is defined as “the emotion of great
delight or happiness caused by something
exceptionally good or satisfying; keen
pleasure; elation.”
My life is all of those things. I
have many reasons to be happy. Every day,
I experience things that are exceptionally good. But I have this dark cloud over me, and every
time I catch myself experiencing joy, for feeling joy, I suddenly stop. I feel like I don’t deserve joy because of
what I have done in my past. Or that I
can’t feel joy because something bad is about to happen.
The bible calls joy one of the
fruits of the spirit. Galatians 5:22 says “But the fruit of the Spirit is
love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness.” Nehemiah 8:10 says “…Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” And I know that the Enemy is here to rob me of
my joy. That he thrives when I
worry. He loves it when I am so
distracted by my fearful thoughts that I miss the beautiful events in my
life. John 10:10 says “The thief comes only to steal and kill and
destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”
Daily, I find myself losing my
joy more and more. I am so scared of what the future holds. The Enemy knows this, and I just feel over
powered by him. I cannot make a single
move without fear. I have no hope for
the future. I feel as though life is
done, and I am just a walking shell. I
feel like it is something more than depression, something bigger than that.
Dear Lord, please pull me out of this
horrible place of fear, worry and great sadness. I need you God. I can’t do it myself. I am so tired and have very little fight left
in me. God please help me make it
through this time of doubt and unknowing.
God please help me to know, in my heart, to really know, that you will
take care of me no matter what the outcome of my situation may be. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Where to begin? Are you there God?
Today I have felt “in limbo.” Several ups, several downs. It is very difficult to make changes. It is even more difficult to know that you
HAVE to change the way you are living.
It is difficult to try to act like everything is ok to the whole world,
when you know there is absolutely nothing ok in your world. I don't even know where to begin.
I saw my therapists today.
I basically just cried for 45 minutes.
We haven’t met together in some time, just talked on the phone. But today I went to his office. I told him where I am emotionally, mentally,
and additively. He is a Christian
Counselor. I have decided to only
surround myself with Christians as long as I have a choice.
Anyway, we talked about what to do, what actions to
take. We talked about addictive
personalities. In a way, I think I kind
of wished he would have said that he didn’t think I had addictive
tendencies. But he didn’t. He agreed that it sounds like I have a
problem, and that I needed fixing. It’s
kind of difficult when the professionals confirm bad stuff. I felt like I was pulling all this baggage
out of an old box and just laying it on the floor. It felt good in a way.
He did ask me some difficult questions. Questions that I didn’t have answers for, but
it was so good to talk and admit that I just don’t have all the answers. In my heart, I know that God has the
answers. He holds the keys to my future
in his hands. But honestly, I am really
scared about what the future looks like.
So, I am choosing to hold on to and claim the promise in Jeremiah 29:11 “ For I know the plans I have for
you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not
to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” I look forward to the day that I have hope
again and feel like I have a future again.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Broken. Are you there God?
Over the last
few months, it has been brought to my attention that I am broken. Not
physically, but on the inside. You know the place that really
counts. I have been struggling with spending money for years. The
issue has become worse and worse. I have dug myself into deeper and
deeper holes, and well, I have a problem.
Ok, I have an addiction.
Technically,
this condition is also known as Oniomania, a term for the compulsive desire to shop, more commonly referred
to as compulsive shopping, shopping addiction, shopaholism, compulsive buying or CB. Compulsive shopping may be considered an
impulse control disorder, an obsessive-compulsive
disorder, a bipolar disorder,[2] or
even a clinical addiction, depending on the clinical source.
I am finding that this addiction is a lot like any
other. It can ruin your relationships,
make you sick, destroy the things you love and put everything at risk. It can be as bad as being a drug addict, but
in my case, I have nothing to show for it.
At least with drugs or alcohol addiction your body is usually worse for
the wear. With, for me anyway, I have
nothing to show. But if I have access to
money, I spend it. We got over $9,000
this year in tax refund (we had HUGE medical bills last year), and I have no
idea where about $5,000 of it went to.
It brings a whole new meaning to the term “pissed it away.”
The worst part of it is that it has taken me so long to come
to terms with the fact that it really is an addiction. As a woman, we all joke about how our
husbands think we spend too much money, or call each other a shopaholic in
jest. But for some of us it really is a
serious issue. For years I have been
racing home to get a new article of clothing or pair of shoes into the closet
before my husband got home. I can’t
count how many times I have torn off tags to clothes that I was never going to
wear, and hid the tags at the bottom of the garbage can. I wish I had a dollar for every time I raced
to the bank to get money from one account and put it in another account before
my husband tried to use his card.
Finally, one Saturday, after my world started falling in
around me, my husband tried to use the card.
The bank account was empty. The
savings account was empty. And I was empty.
Done. Exhausted. Hurting.
Broken.
I am still learning so much about this addiction, but like
with any addiction, admitting that I have a problem is the first step toward
recovering. I don’t know what to expect,
but I am searching for the road to recovery.
I am seeing a therapist and last night I went to my first Celebrate
Recovery meeting. The one thing I do
know is that God is going to walk this road with me. He thinks I am worth saving, and he is going
to hold my hand, and carry me if he has to, but I will recover from this
addiction.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
I'm Overwhelmed! Are you there God?
I was in church on Sunday and Pastor John was speaking on being Overwhelmed by the world. BOY! That about sums it up for me!!!
Today, I find myself totally and completely overwhelmed by life! Come to find out, I am OVERwhelmed by life because I am UNDERwhelmed by Jesus. The question asked by Pastor John was,Why is HE not enough? The bible says, (Col. 1:15-20) "15. He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. 16. For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. 17. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. 18. And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. 19. For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, 20. and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross."
When we dive into this passage, this is what we found:
-Jesus is the Great Creator (Col 1:16) He created everything, me, my life, my world, the sky, the grass, the people, all of it! He created everything. Just take a moment to try to wrap you head around that! Lean back, and look around. All of it would not be here if HE had not created it. That's huge! HE Is Enough!
-Jesus is the Great Sustainer (Col 1:17) So not only is He great enough to create everything around us and in us, He also is great enough to hold it together! He holds the hair in our heads. He holds our bodies to the floor. He holds every little bitty molecule in just the right place to make all that he has created sustain it's existence. This is a pretty big one to get a handle on. HE Is Enough!
-Jesus is the Great Redeemer (Col 1:20) He can completely change all things for the glory of God. He gave his life on the cross to change our lives. He gave his life for our sins. He preforms miracles. He can heal the sick. He can make the blind see. In John 11, He raised Lazarus from the dead. HE Is Enough!
So, if you are lost like me, you want to know, How Do I Make Jesus Enough? In my mind, I know He is enough, but how do I feel it in my soul? How do I sleep with ease at night knowing He is in control. Well, friends, that I have not mastered yet, but here are a few things you can do to get started in the right direction.
-Pause (Ps. 46:10) "Be still and know that I am God,..." So many times I find myself all stressed out and strung out, and realize that I have not talked to God in days. It is not easy to be still. I need to be still. I need to take a moment to realize that I want Him to be enough, but right now, I just don't feel like he is. I feel alone, forgotten, confused, and lost. Today, I just don't feel like Jesus is enough. I obviously think he needs my help because I keep trying to do it myself. Even if I "give it to Him" I tend to take it back. As a sidebar, I believe that I only mess things up worse, but I still haven't learned to leave it alone. Hebrews 11:5, God says "...Never will I leave you; Never will I forsake you." and wHen God says Never, He means Never.
-Pray (Phil. 4:6-7) "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. and the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard you hearts and minds in Christ Jesus," Every time you find yourself with a head full of fear or anger or doubt, replace them with prayers. Pray about what you are thankful for. Pray for someone hurting. Pray for those who have hurt you. Pray for a difficult relationship. Pray for your family, for your kids. Pray that your neighbor will finally mow their yard. Just put your mind on Christ. After a while, the Enemy will see that you have trained yourself to talk to God when your mind wants to worry and doubt. The Enemy doesn't want us talking to God and seeking His help, so he will move on to something else to bother us.
-Praise (Ps. 42:11) "Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." Praise him all in things. If you are in a place where you just can't, and I have been there, I would sing a praise and worship song from church. He is a glorious God. He is a faithful God. He is a merciful God. He loves us more then anyone else ever has or ever will. There are so many things to praise Him for! But sometimes it is not easy. Sing to him. He loves your beautiful voice. Worship His holy name.
-Proclaim (Prov. 18:21) "The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit." If you are thinking negative thoughts, and speaking negative thoughts, your heart will hear them and believe them, and often times you will see these negative things come to pass. That same mind can think Godly thoughts. That same tongue can speak positive thoughts. And your heart will hear how wonderful and loving our great God is. So you will start giving more and more of yourself, and the baggage that we insist on carrying everywhere we go, gradually over to Christ Jesus. And not only will he help us carry that nasty baggage, He will carry it for us until we don't need it anymore.
Dear sweet Jesus, I am overwhelmed. And I know that you are Enough and that you can handle my situation much better then I could ever imagine to. God, I am giving it to you, again. I ask for your blessings on all who read this, and God I pray that they seek you in whatever situation they are dealing with. Thank you Lord for carrying me, especially when my baggage is to heavy for me to carry myself. I love you Jesus. Amen
Today, I find myself totally and completely overwhelmed by life! Come to find out, I am OVERwhelmed by life because I am UNDERwhelmed by Jesus. The question asked by Pastor John was,Why is HE not enough? The bible says, (Col. 1:15-20) "15. He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. 16. For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. 17. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. 18. And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. 19. For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, 20. and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross."
When we dive into this passage, this is what we found:
-Jesus is the Great Creator (Col 1:16) He created everything, me, my life, my world, the sky, the grass, the people, all of it! He created everything. Just take a moment to try to wrap you head around that! Lean back, and look around. All of it would not be here if HE had not created it. That's huge! HE Is Enough!
-Jesus is the Great Sustainer (Col 1:17) So not only is He great enough to create everything around us and in us, He also is great enough to hold it together! He holds the hair in our heads. He holds our bodies to the floor. He holds every little bitty molecule in just the right place to make all that he has created sustain it's existence. This is a pretty big one to get a handle on. HE Is Enough!
-Jesus is the Great Redeemer (Col 1:20) He can completely change all things for the glory of God. He gave his life on the cross to change our lives. He gave his life for our sins. He preforms miracles. He can heal the sick. He can make the blind see. In John 11, He raised Lazarus from the dead. HE Is Enough!
So, if you are lost like me, you want to know, How Do I Make Jesus Enough? In my mind, I know He is enough, but how do I feel it in my soul? How do I sleep with ease at night knowing He is in control. Well, friends, that I have not mastered yet, but here are a few things you can do to get started in the right direction.
-Pause (Ps. 46:10) "Be still and know that I am God,..." So many times I find myself all stressed out and strung out, and realize that I have not talked to God in days. It is not easy to be still. I need to be still. I need to take a moment to realize that I want Him to be enough, but right now, I just don't feel like he is. I feel alone, forgotten, confused, and lost. Today, I just don't feel like Jesus is enough. I obviously think he needs my help because I keep trying to do it myself. Even if I "give it to Him" I tend to take it back. As a sidebar, I believe that I only mess things up worse, but I still haven't learned to leave it alone. Hebrews 11:5, God says "...Never will I leave you; Never will I forsake you." and wHen God says Never, He means Never.
-Pray (Phil. 4:6-7) "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. and the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard you hearts and minds in Christ Jesus," Every time you find yourself with a head full of fear or anger or doubt, replace them with prayers. Pray about what you are thankful for. Pray for someone hurting. Pray for those who have hurt you. Pray for a difficult relationship. Pray for your family, for your kids. Pray that your neighbor will finally mow their yard. Just put your mind on Christ. After a while, the Enemy will see that you have trained yourself to talk to God when your mind wants to worry and doubt. The Enemy doesn't want us talking to God and seeking His help, so he will move on to something else to bother us.
-Praise (Ps. 42:11) "Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." Praise him all in things. If you are in a place where you just can't, and I have been there, I would sing a praise and worship song from church. He is a glorious God. He is a faithful God. He is a merciful God. He loves us more then anyone else ever has or ever will. There are so many things to praise Him for! But sometimes it is not easy. Sing to him. He loves your beautiful voice. Worship His holy name.
-Proclaim (Prov. 18:21) "The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit." If you are thinking negative thoughts, and speaking negative thoughts, your heart will hear them and believe them, and often times you will see these negative things come to pass. That same mind can think Godly thoughts. That same tongue can speak positive thoughts. And your heart will hear how wonderful and loving our great God is. So you will start giving more and more of yourself, and the baggage that we insist on carrying everywhere we go, gradually over to Christ Jesus. And not only will he help us carry that nasty baggage, He will carry it for us until we don't need it anymore.
Dear sweet Jesus, I am overwhelmed. And I know that you are Enough and that you can handle my situation much better then I could ever imagine to. God, I am giving it to you, again. I ask for your blessings on all who read this, and God I pray that they seek you in whatever situation they are dealing with. Thank you Lord for carrying me, especially when my baggage is to heavy for me to carry myself. I love you Jesus. Amen
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